I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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