we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
