my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My balls are so social today.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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