I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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