census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
