she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
