I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
