Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
