after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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