He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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