I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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