i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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