try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
