Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I want her autograph on my taint
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize