just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize