i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
