3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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