It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
