Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
