New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
