Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
