My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
