Is it because I queefed?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
