he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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