If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
