Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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