i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
