Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize