He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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