The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
