He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize