It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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