An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
