the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Michael Bay diarrhea
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
