I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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