I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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