What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
