Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You can't just leave with hair like that
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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