Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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