remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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