Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
