I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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