This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize