You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
