I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
