i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
