apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
