you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
