It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
