she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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