We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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