Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
