apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
