My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
