I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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