The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
