So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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