Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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