i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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