I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize