marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
