Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
