i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize