Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
