well most of my day revolves around power hour
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
