I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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