So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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