I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
