You really coming over, don't trick.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
