bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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