Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize