i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
