I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We got so high we made milksteak
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
