Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
