morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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