Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
40s are totally the cure
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
