As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
