WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
