You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
